” At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”” (Matthew 18:1, ESV)

The draw to human greatness in this life is virtually irresistible. No, I don’t mean everyone strives identically to be praised by others. But what is true of everyone of us is that regardless of how anyone else may see us, we still want to think well of ourselves. We still want some small slice of greatness in our own eyes. The proof that this is systemic and universal is the great sadness we experience when we fail, or look foolish, or do something stupid, careless or mock-worthy, even when no one else sees. But oh the blush if someone DOES see. We can do something as innocent as trip, and the first thing we do is look around to see if anyone else saw it. We can deny our pride all we want, but just let us be falsely accused of something or thought ill of or made fun of and we find out just how much we still cling some small bit of greatness inwardly. I can’t fault the Disciples here one whit. The truth is, if I didn’t think I’d be thought ill of for asking it, I’d ask it too. It is only my desire for others to think of me in good terms that would prevent me. And just because my “cancer’ isn’t visible on my skin, doesn’t mean it rages any less below the surface. Secret sin is no less sin because it is invisible.

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