Ever heard of it? Me neither. Until just recently. In all places, in a Kevin Hart comedy.

What is it? Www.ADDitude.com defines it thus: “Dyscalculia is a math learning disability that impairs an individual’s ability to learn number-related concepts, perform accurate math calculations, reason and problem solve, and perform other basic math skills. ¹. Dyscalculia is sometimes called “number dyslexia” or “math dyslexia.”

Now, why do I bring you this breaking news? Because maybe like me, you’ve suffered from this disability all your life, and it was never discovered. Taking a test today, I finally found out why math, after the rudimentary basics, scrambles my brain into oblivion.

In school, my one Guidance Counselor queried how it was I scored fairly high on my I.Q. Test, but flunked 9th grade math? Algebra was hugely anxiety producing. Both years. I barely passed the 2nd time. Geometry was little better. But one thing I knew, numbers, formulae, etc., were a dark and scary morass I had no business mucking around in.

The assumption and implications were, from teachers etc., that I just wasn’t applying myself. I was acing English. Did OK in History (except for dates, they practically mean nothing to me, I can’t retain them) my other courses were all breeze. But math. Math was wicked. Confusing. Illogical. It just plain made no sense.

Better than most with it, I can balance my checkbook. I can do basic calculations. At one time, I even got pretty proficient with spreadsheets. But beyond that, brother, I panic and freeze and numbers become the ultimate puzzle for which I do not have even a slight key.

It is frustrating beyond words.

But now I know something. I know that this is a diagnosable brain issue. It can be greatly helped by one-on-one tutoring – which I was never privy to. And by God’s grace it has not held me back in most areas – although in The Scriptures, while I can burrow into all things theological, I can barely retain chapter and verse locations. The numbers mess it all up.

It is just a relief to know. To know there is really something there, and I’m not just lazy.

A few years ago, I self-diagnosed myself as a “mathaphobe.” I said I have a genuine fear of numbers. A dear friend, a physics professor recommended I read “The Joy of X” by Steven Strogatz. I bought it, and got through the first 3 chapters and thought – “this is it, it’s all finally going to make sense!” Then chapter 4. Oh, the dreaded Ch. 4. I got lost every time within the first few pages. It utterly defied me. My mind just could not go there. 3 or four times I re-read the first 3 – where all was fine and dandy, and then I hit 4. And I was done. I couldn’t’ go a step further. I finally gave up.

Maybe you’ve got something like this in your life. I know I’ve had to go somewhere with it before God, and where I’ve ended up is Ex. 4 – when Moses told God he could not fulfill his mission because he could not speak well – for whatever reason, we do not know. And as the account goes: Exodus 4:10–11 (ESV): “But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” 11 Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?”

Aha! Even our disabilities fall under the watchful, careful, loving eye and hand of our perfect Father. He designs even our challenges. And does so in perfect wisdom.

Someday, I’ll get the whole story. But for today, I get this: He is my Heavenly Father. And I can trust Him. Even in the things I cannot understand, and have to grapple with.

My God, is good.

I don’t get why I’ve had this particular thing to wrestle with. But I know Him. And I know it is best in His all-knowing and all loving eyes, that it be so.

Mine, is to trust Him. His, is to love me perfectly in Christ.

He’s keeping up His end.

I need to keep up mine.