Its not what I expected. And it is not what I want. But it appears that I have my limits after all.

Bummer.

After months of escalating and debilitating fatigue – after tests upon tests upon tests from my Dr. – the diagnosis is in: Seriously pooped.

No doubt you’ve noticed (or perhaps you haven’t) the drastic drop off in my being able to post. Two of my great loves, preaching and writing, at this juncture are beyond my ability to indulge in without severe consequences afterward – requiring days just to be able to function at a low level again.

Sounds like the problem of a weenie. It’s not me. I don’t like it and I don’t want it. Give me a serious disease, something I can sink my teeth into: Leprosy of the lung or the creeping ephizutti. SOMETHING!

Not “pooped”.

Wimp!

But as I mentioned above, after running all the tests, (heart, blood, lungs, endoscopies, colonoscopies, yada, yada, yada) the results of Celiac, Barrett’s disease and who knows what else with just having the bow bent too far for too long – his expert medical opinion is I’m seriously pooped. Enough that if there is no break, something’s gonna give. Guess I have to turn in my S, the red cape and the blue tights. I never looked good in the tights anyway. NO COMMENTS!

And in an overwhelming show of love and compassion, the congregation at ECF has made it possible. I do not how to be grateful enough for their willingness and that of the Corporate Board and the Elders to arrange it all.

So I’ll be on this break – against my will but wanting to do what it takes to get fully well so I can labor freely once again – until Aug. 15.

And it is making me seriously uncomfortable. Antsy. Thus it appears that while I can formulate a sound theology of “rest’ – I cannot yet abide by it emotionally. As issue of personal sanctification to be worked out in the process.

But as I rest, and study, and nourish my own soul, I’ll be posting along the way. Some. No promises. Missing the joy of it. But indulging as much as I can without jeopardizing getting back on both feet.

Keep tuning in.

Colossians 2:6-7 “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.”

Maybe its only me, but have you ever found yourself just so ungrateful that no matter what God has done for you, some negative speck seems to cloud the entire horizon? It is one of the ongoing effects of sin on the human psyche – still evident even in the Redeemed.

Maybe the following will help put a few small things back into perspective.

Maybe, as we contemplate Thanksgiving Day here in the US, for 2011, we can step back and drink in the goodness of God, unsoiled for just a minute. I need to do this more.

Heavenly Father –

You give me life

           But it really is hard

You give me mercy

           But you don’t stop me from sinning

You give me grace

          But it robs me of my sense of pride and accomplishment

You give me family

          But there are others whose friendship I would prefer more

You give me those who love me

          But they do not love me enough, or the way I want them to

You give me work

          But its not what I’m best suited for

You give me an opportunity to earn a living

          But its never quite enough

You give me children

          But they are troublesome at times, and embarrass me

You give me parents

          But they failed me and sinned against me

You give me laws

          But they hamper my freedom

You give me freedom

          But then make me responsible for what I do

You give me your Word

          But its work to study it

You give me prayer

          But its boring and awkward

You give me your People

          But they are broken and hurt me

You give me your Church

          But it takes up most of one day a week, has bad music and needs to be supported

You give me promises of Heaven

          But its so far off

You give me extended life

          But I get old, weak and sick

You give me vacations

          But they are too short

You give me Christian friends

          But they sin and I have to forgive them

You give me grace for trials

          But that means I’ll have to endure them

You give me limitless love

          But then you give it to others too

You give me the honor of being conformed to Christ’s image

          But then I have to die to sin

You give me salvation

          But only through the Cross

Now, may I ask you for one more thing?

Please grant me a grateful heart, so that I can freely and rightly rejoice in all you have already given – without these sin-stained glasses of mine.

Acts 6:1-4 / Now in these days when the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint by the Hellenists arose against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution. And the twelve summoned the full number of the disciples and said, “It is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables. Therefore, brothers, pick out from among you seven men of good repute, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we will appoint to this duty. But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.”

The ministry of the Word, and prayer. These are the two central responsibilities of those called to the pastoral role. Be they vocational, or bi-vocational, or completely volunteer, there are those in every assembly (usually a mixture of these 3) who take up these two burdens, even as there are those who take up other burdens so that these can keep prayer and the ministry of the Word their main focus. They both do it, and/or see that it is done. It is a simple but profound arrangement. It should go without saying that neither group is comprised of super-saints. Yet those in each group should be known for their striving after Christ-likeness.

Now it isn’t a stretch to imagine what is involved with the ministry of the Word. This (it seems pretty evident) falls into two primary things: a. Preparation and, b. Proclamation. Some give themselves to the study of God’s Word (and its attendant disciplines) so that they can effectively and soundly teach God’s Word – and keep the local Church Biblically based. It is in the preaching of the Word that sinners are called to faith and repentance, and the Saints are instructed, fed, rebuked, exhorted and encouraged.

But when it comes to prayer, just what does that look like? I’d like to give you a look into ONE of the ways I (not to mention how the other Elders) pray for this Church – for us here at ECF. Maybe it will be instructive for you to understand how the Word presses upon my own heart, for myself, my wife and daughter and grand-kids and son-in-law. For all my family and yours. For this Church family. I hope you will take comfort and direction in putting in front of you ONE of the key areas I am in constant prayer for you all – beyond the needs that arise out of individual circumstances. This is my ongoing burden in prayer for us.

You should know, that each and every day, often several times a day – I am seeking God for us, for what Paul prayed for the Ephesian church in Eph. 3:14-19. What I am believing God to manifest among us more and more as the years progress. I am bowing my knees before the King of Heaven and Earth, who created and owns all things – and has made them for His glory, that I, that WE, might be granted supernatural strength – on par with the unfathomable riches of His glory. To the end that by this work of the Spirit within each of us, Christ may have the place of being our supreme treasure, perpetually informing everything we think, feel, say and do. And that by finding our deepest roots in the Divine soil of His infinite and perfect love for us, each of us may grow together to fully realize and experience the height, depth, length and breadth of His humanly unsearchable love of Christ – so that we might be absolutely filled with the fullness of His own infinite fullness. So that we are God saturated in every part of our being – lacking nothing in even the smallest sense.

Beloved, this is what I want for you all – for US all – above anything else. And I plead with Him for it. With Him who is able not only to do this – but to do it in a way that far outstrips our most vivid conceptions of it.

We Elders give ourselves to seek this for ECF. For you. Each and every one of you. And we do it, anticipating the working of His Spirit to move us into more and more of it as we go.

I just thought you’d like to know how you’ve been, and will be prayed for today. Till Christ returns or I am called home.

I love you all.

Ephesians 5:11–14 ^“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. ¹²For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. ¹³But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, ¹⁴for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

Bonhoeffer was right. In times of temptation, the Believer is not as much plagued with an urge to blaspheme God, as with forgetfulness of Him. His immediacy, His presence with us is obscured. In those moments, we sort of shift into automatic, not really thinking as much as acting upon impulse and reflex. Even when we’ve resisted for some time prior to actually caving in; our faculties are in gear, and then – tunnel vision and full speed ahead – the thinking has ended.

But it is precisely when in the moment, in the very throes of temptation that thinking is what we need to do most. To slow down, and get a hold of ourselves, and ask 3 questions that Temptation desperately wants (read our FLESH desperately wants) to keep shoved out of the front of our consciousness. The three questions address three elements which are present in every temptation. This is true whether we are tempted to give in to anger, greed, lust, pride, envy, despair or anything else, you name it.

Here’s what we must stop to ask ourselves:

a. What is the LIE behind this temptation? What does it promise, that once scrutinized, it is clear it cannot deliver? And what is the true end result that it hides.

b. What is the LUST it is promising to satisfy? What is the “hunger” it purports to fulfill? What is it within me this particular temptation resonates with? What precisely is the nature of my own sinful desire here?

c. What is the LOVE which must be violated in order to do this? Love toward the God who saved me? Love toward my neighbor? (read: husband, wife, child, sibling, co-worker, stranger, etc.) Who is it I will have to stop the act of loving in order to take this action or attitude up?

And if we take the time to stop and ask ourselves these 3 simple questions, we will soon find that the temptation looses both its attractiveness and its power. It becomes ugly and sordid. The vileness underneath its mask gets exposed to us. With this exposure, Temptation’s insistent knocking at the door of our desire soon slows, fades and stops. For then. Oh, it will return another day. But before you jump up to answer the door – stop to ask the questions one more time. You’ll be surprised.  

Proverbs 4:23–27 (ESV)

²³ Keep your heart with all vigilance,

for from it flow the springs of life.

²⁴ Put away from you crooked speech,

and put devious talk far from you.

²⁵ Let your eyes look directly forward,

and your gaze be straight before you.

²⁶ Ponder the path of your feet;

then all your ways will be sure.

²⁷ Do not swerve to the right or to the left;

turn your foot away from evil.

Keeping the heart is a call of dire need. The heart of the human being – is the core of life. Of course the organ that pumps blood is not being referred to here – but the organ of the soul that communicates life and purpose and passion to the whole being is intended. It is what the old theologians used to refer to as inward “inclination” – what each of us is inclined toward as the governing direction of our life’s pursuit – the gravitational pull of our inward man. What, when all else is stripped away, drives and motivates us.

The truth is, many of us never even take the time to find out what exactly DOES motivate us above all else. We often flit from thing to thing still looking for an all consuming passion. But in reality, we already have one. It is at the bottom of all the choices we make in life. We simply haven’t identified it yet. For some it is safety. For others, pleasure. Still others seek meaning above all else, or a sense of accomplishment, approval, validation or simply to consume what seems most desirable at the moment.

So how does one then “keep” or guard the heart, so that we are walking in wisdom and in fellowship with God and His eternal plans and purposes? What am I to be “vigilant” over for that to happen – so that the “springs of life” – the fountain of true joy and refreshment and sustenance remain unpolluted by the poisons of the Fall?

Our Teacher points out four things.

1. (24) One must cultivate honesty with themselves, and with others. If we are willing to entertain duplicity – to have secret lives, to live dishonestly with others, we will inevitably be habitual hypocrites. We must be brutally honest with ourselves about our own sinfulness and unwilling to seem better than we are to others – even if that invites rebuke. Passing ourselves off as Mr. or Ms. Altogether-Christian for the public consumption of others will lead us to hide, and at the same time to live in constant judgment of others. If you are constantly avoiding letting people see who you really are, or pointing the finger at other’s sins – this is probably your area of need.

2. (25) We must be actually aimed at the goal of Heaven and Christ’s likeness. If that is not our goal and aim in life – if that is not where we are traveling to in life – then we are headed somewhere else. No one stumbles into Heaven – we go there intentionally or not at all. There will be no accidental tourists there. Those who have no clear destination will wander – emotionally, spiritually and in every other area of life. Are you on your way to meet the King? Are you actually plotting a course there? If not, you will not arrive.

3. (26) We must examine and re-examine our decisions to see if they are commensurate with our stated goal and direction. The heart is distracted and polluted when our decision making practice does not at least include (at SOME point) the question as to how this decision fits with where I am going and who I am becoming in Christ. Countless woes would be avoided if we would ask this of ourselves before we entered into things. How does X fit with my journey to see Jesus? Does it help? Does it hinder? Is it compatible?

4. (27) We cannot move off of the path that the Scripture has given us, and still get there. Isaiah calls it a “highway of holiness.” There is only one way to follow Christ – I must walk the same way He does, I must go WITH Him. And He is not going certain places. He is not heading into sexual immorality. He is not moving toward theft, or lust, or dishonesty, or coveting this world’s goods, or fame or pleasure. He is headed home to His Father. And there but one road there – Him. He Himself IS the truth, the life and the way.

So my friend – where are you off to today? And how will you be getting there?